Is Real Life Reality?

As I look back over my life and the dreams that I once had, I wonder...what happened?  I had the greatest hopes for the type of mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and teacher that I would be.  I have found that it is easy to dream when you are not dealing with reality.  I believe the reality is what has happened is...real life has taken over my "fairy-tale" life. 

 

I had once dreamed that if I EVER decided to get married, that I would be a stay-at-home mother so that I could dote all of my attention on my children and husband.  I wanted to be sure that I had all the time to give them if they needed it.  I wanted to volunteer at their schools, as well as within the community helping others.  Once reality set in (as well as the bills) I realized that dream would NOT be a reality for me.  It was "high ho, high ho...it's off to work I go", and so began the merry-go-round that we all know so well.  Get up, get the kids ready for school, go to work, work like a dog, go home (eventually before dark...and sometimes not), cook dinner (if you have the engergy), help kids with homework, get them ready for bed, grade papers, watch a little TV or read a book, and pass out; only to repeat it all again the next day, and the next, and so on until you retire.  I'm just not sure that is all that life is supposed to be about.

 

After 12 years at this job, I still can't figure out how to mangage it all.  I have tried to be Superwoman, and was crushed when I discovered that I was not.  I do not have any superpowers, or a magic wand.  I am just a regular mom and wife, attempting to keep her household intact.  I have found that if I devote more time to one area in my life, be it my kids, marrige, job, my health, or my friendships, then several other things begin to fall apart.  I try to get my priorities in order, but that doesn't seem to work either.  I try to put God first and then my marriage; but then my kids start feeling left out, or they don't keep up with their homework and/or I get behind with my job.  Who are these people who seem to make life seem so easy and everything just seems to flow and work in sync for them?  What is their secret?  What magic potion are they taking?  I REALLY need to know. 

 

As I sit here in the wee hours of the morning...I feel the ground beneath my feet crumbling.  I have been holding on for dear life, but there are some areas in my life where I am losing my grip.  I don't know that I have the energy to hang on and keep tugging the rope much longer...it is wearing me down both mentally and physically.  Is this really just the reality of real ife sinking in?  There has to be so much more to life than this.

 

Tracie